Awal magarait ilmessage, I immediately knew who it was. Jara7 ye3ni minw. I gave '3azl a look and showed her my mobile. She made a weird face. I'm guessing it indicated shock and disapproval. I whispered to her: "let's get out of the library. I need to talk to Ya3goub."
As I was leaving the library, I looked for Ya3goub. I couldn’t find him. So I messaged him: "ya3goub, shinw ra8am Jara7?" I needed to make sure, before I over reacted, the way I always do, whether ilsalfa tiswa or not.
Ya3goub: 7ala, mu china tawich mit3arfa 3alaih. Shinw ye3ni tabeen ra8ma?
7ala: just give me his number!
Ya3goub: I'm on my way to the koleya. Intay hnak?
7ala: ee I am.. what's his number Ya3goub?
Ya3goub: atfaham ma3ach laman o9al.
That made me even more upset. Ye3ni killish mu wagta inna he "brothers" me! Anyways, I was sure it was Jara7's number. I didn’t need Ya3goub.
7ala: iiffff.. shasawee al7een. Why doesn’t he get that he's approaching me the wrong way?!
'3azl: ee walla, madri shfeeh. Where did he get your phone number from asasan. Obviously mu Ya3goub illi 3a6ah iya.
7ala: hhhh..what now?
'3azl: lazm you talk to him about this. Bes not my sms, latredeen 3alaih. Awal ma to9leen ilbait check if he's online on FB, w tfahimay ma3ah.
A few minutes later, I noticed Ya3goub walking towards us.
Ya3goub: sh9ayer feech 7ala?
I showed him the message. He didn’t say anything for a while.
7ala: ye3ni I'm not wrong for reacting this way?
Ya3goub: actually, as ususal, you're OVER reacting. Bes ee, you're right. I don't like the fact inna he just messaged you marra wa7da. Radaitay 3alaih?
7ala: la maradait. Laman arid ilbait I will talk to him on FB.
Ya3goub: tabeen ana akalma?
7ala: la its ok. This is between me and him. I don't want to be the cause of any tension between you and your friend.
Ya3goub: ok 3ala ra7ttch. Ilmohim intay relax shwey! Mu lazm kil ma y9eer shey tyeneen 3alay!
7ala: I'm just going to go home. Magdr adris after this.
Ya3goub: asta'3fr alllaaah. Kaifch. Ilmohim, kalmini itha 9ar shay.
7ala: inshalla. Bye
'3azl: bye. Take care!
Ya3goub: bye. Tha'36ich ya bnaya!
My ride home was weird. At first I was mad. Bes ba3dain I started to think the other way around. I hadn’t connected my iPod this time, I was to occupied with being mad. I just had 88.8 on.. it was rashed singing "sa2alt b illithi 7a6ek 3ala ras ilma7aba taaj.. t7ebeny willa titsala b a7asysy o wijdany o ti7taj il'3ala galby mithil ma lik ana a7taj wala inni ba3ad mafarg 7dood ilshof tinsany"
What if he went through a lot in order to get my number? Is that supposed to be considered sweet? Inna he went through all of this 3alashan ykalmini more often? Or was I right for thinking inna t3ada 7dwda? I was so confused! I really am starting to like him bes madri lesh a7is inna the way he's trying to yitgarab minni is all wrong. Ye3ni didn’t he already understand the fact that I wouldn't give him my number at this stage of the relationship? Even IF he did ASK for it! Or maybe, he knew I wouldn’t give it to him, and he didn’t want to get rejected again. So he just went for it and hoped for the best. Well, if I really am the kind of girl he wants, 3ala golta, he should have known inna that wouldn't have worked. Everything was going so well, and then he pulls this stunt! Ilmohim, I will talk to him now, and make it clear inna he's got the wrong girl. Li2anna if the kind of girl that he wants, answers messages from guys after 2 days since t3arifaw 3ala ba3ath, then i'm not that girl…. 7asafa. Why did he have to do that?
Awal my wi9alt ilbait, I ran upstairs to my room. I swtiched on my laptop and logged into FB. He wasn't online. Waaaaay! Why isn’t he online?! I was so frustrated and impatient. I called Ya3goub.
7ala: ya3goub.
Ya3goub: hala. Ha shlonch? You seem calmER
7ala: ya3goub, you do agree with me 9a7?
Ya3goub: ee I do, it was kind of inappropriate
7ala: ye3ni, even when I asked you for his number and you thought inna I wanted it to akalma, you wouldn’t give it to me! Ye3ni you agree inna it's too early
Ya3goub: ee 7ala, I agree
7ala: ye3ni you DO agree!?
Ya3goub: 7ala! Ee I DO agree!
7ala: sorry, I'm just really really disappointed. Madri
Ya3goub: it's ok 7ala, latithayigain chithi. Ye3ni intay you didn’t want him asasan.
7ala: yaa. . .
Ya3goub: but, you do now. Don’t you. . .
7ala: ya3goub madri. Il9ara7a I think I have fallen for him. And I realized something.
Ya3goub: shinw?
7ala: I'm not THAT upset inna he messaged. Ye3ni if our "friendship" was going to turn into something, we were gona talk on the phone eventually. Bes illi mthayigni inna he still doesn't UNDERSTAND me. I want him to understand me. I want this to work out. U know?!
Ya3goub: e fahamt 8a9dch.
7ala: I'm jut soo upset. . .
Ya3goub: more upset than the time you lost your limited edition book "Love in the Time of Cholera"? (he teased)
7ala: ee,, hehehe.. more than that! I cant believe I just lost it! Who looses a book? (he knows exactly how to make me laugh)
Ya3goub: you're right, you’re the only person that can lose a book. W mu any book! A million page book! You know inna I can’t move my big toe anymore!
7ala: whaaat?!
Ya3goub: latsawen nafsch you don’t remember the time you dropped it on my foot, "bil'3ala6"
7ala: oo yaa.. hehehe I'm sorry about that by the way. Walla it was bil'3ala6.
Ya3goub: ee 5alich chithi! Ya7lailich wintay tith7ekeen!
7ala: ya3gouuuub! I'm supposed to be upset! Lat5arb 3alay!
Ya3goub: yalla besch dala3. He will be online in a while inshalla. W golela exactly what you told me. Be honest, tell him how you feel. Don’t expect him to just KNOW why you're upset. Tara i7na ilshabab manistaw3b, seriously. We have to be told, you can't just assume we know . ok? Badg 3alaih al7een w akalma. Don't worry, I wont get too involved. Bes I need to warn him inna he was awoken the the other side of you (he teased).
7ala: ya3gouuub!
Ya3goub: at'3shmar ma3ach feech. You're soo cute when you’re angry. You guys should fight all the time so he falls in love with you even more.
7ala: hahaha, very funny.
Ya3goub: ilmohim, mithl ma wa9aitch, just talk to him honestly w fahmi shilli mthaygch.
7ala: ee inshalla.. thanks ya3goub!
Ya3goub: shda3wa. Yalla gd luck tell me sh9eer
Half an hour later, Jara7 went online. I heard the "plop"
Jarah: so, I guess inna intay matrideen 3ala ar8am '3areeba ;p
Hala: are you trying to be funny?
Jarah: are you laughing?
Hala: no. I'm not
Jarah: then no, I'm not trying to be funny
Hala: ok, so what then?
Jarah: nothing, I just want you to know inna it was me that sent the message ;p. (waaay ynarfiz! Why did I smiiile!!??)
Hala: la walla? You're kidding. I had no idea who it was.
Jarah: 7ala shfeech shda3wa. It was just a message.
Hala: it wasn’t just a message Jara7. Awal shay, where did you get my number from? Thani shay. We’ve only been talking on FB for 2 days now. Ye3ni seriously, even if you DID ASK for my number I would have told you it's too soon.
Jarah: it doesn’t really matter how I got it, i have my ways 7ala. And about it being too soon, I agree. W ana asef. Bes il9ara7a, I don’t want to get to know you over the internet! Ana gitlich min ilawal inna I'm serious about you. And I still am. So, if I want to get to know you well, abi asma3 9otch, w achofch. Mu akalm ilshasha!
(like I said, he is so good with words. Ye3ni even b maw8ef chithi, when we all agree inna ihwa il'3al6an, he comes up with a justification)
Hala: I didn’t think about it this way. You're right. Bes I would have appreciated it if you asked me. I was shocked Jara7. You're approaching me the wrong way.
Jara7: la 7ala. intay illi mthaygch mu ina I'm approaching you the WRONG way. Ili mthaygch inna I'm approaching you. Just approaching. There is no wrong or right way. Why won't you open up to me. Why make this hard on both of us?
(why was he making it sound like I have commitment problems?! I don’t. Do i…?)
Hala: madri, Jara7. Madri.
Jarah: 7ala, fikray billi ga3d agwlch iya. I'm going to go now. Ana asef inni thayagtch. Bes mu asef inna i want to take our relationship to the next level. I don’t understand why you keep resisting.
He went offline before I could reply. A9lan I didn’t know what to reply. Shagwl ye3ni? Was he right? Everything he said actually made sense. Now I find it really hard to figure out why I was mad in the first place. Seriously, why was I mad? Madrii… Ye3ni all his intentions were good. He just wants US to work and I'm making it really difficult. Maybe I AM afraid of commitment. Maybe, I am scared that it won't work out. After all, if I do end up dating him, he would be my first boyfriend. First boyfriends are always the hardest to get over.
Faj2a I realized something, I keep talking about our relationship as though I know it WON'T LAST. As though I KNOW that we will break up. OmG, he has only known me for a couple of days, but he can read me like an open book. I suddenly feel guilty. I need to loosen up a little. I need to open up my heart and let in any love that he is attempting to give me. Jara7 and I might potentially be the best thing that ever happened to me. Jara7 and I. That has a nice ring to it. Me and Jara7….I need to give it a try. I want to give it a try.
I was day dreaming for a while, when suddenly the sound of my phone woke me up. It was a message. Mn Jara7. This time I was glad. The message was so meaningful. He is soo thoughtful. I read the message again.
"I won't hurt you. I promise."
I smiled, knowing that he really DOES understand me.
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