Chapter 14: I started it, unconsciously.

This was a normal day. Like any other happy day. Me, Jara7, in love. Little did I know that it would turn into hell on earth.
7ala: aalooo?
Jara7: aloo.. ha 7ala..?!
7ala: hala 7abeeby shlonk?
Jara7: oooffff offff shifta shsaawaaaa!! Walla ra7at feeha sayarta!
7ala: alllooooo.. jara7?!
Jara7: 7ala… ana bl bar ma3a rab3i..we're going to race now.. akalmch ba3dain
7ala: o ok.. well have fun 7abeeby! W deer balk please!
Jara7: haaa? Masma3? Sshooofa shooofa!! T9adg yabela Ferrari!!
7ala: jara7.. aloo
Jara7: ok 7ala.. byee!!
Ammmmm… ok? He just hung up on me. Should I be upset? I mean, he's with his friends akeed he doesn’t want to be talking to his girlfriend around shabab bes still why did he just hang up?! He wasn’t even paying attention to what I was saying! Hhhh.. ok that’s not a very good start to a lovely Saturday morning. I decided to call '3azl and make plans. He’ll call me when he's done. Kaifa!
7ala: hi '3azl.. shinw binsawee ilyom?!
'3azl: hii.. good morning.. madri kaifch?
7ala: lunch… movie?
'3azl: add a bit of shopping before that.
7ala: heheh sounds great. Meet you in the avenues in an hour?
'3azl: ok see you.. byee!
I got out of bed, washed up then looked in my closet for something to wear. I need something comfy. Something I can shop in.. not too many layers so I can change in and out of my clothes easily. God! I don’t have anything to wear! Seriously! I'm glad '3azl suggested shopping. I'm running out of clothes. A5eeran, I decided on a loose navy kenzo blouse, white skinnies, grey shaila and my Louis vuitton Stephan Sprouse green speedy, silver crystal filled sandals. The sandals were really open, my foot felt so bare, so I decided to paint my nails with Chanel 's Blue Satin nailpolish..Makeup: mascara, and cherry labello. I wasn’t in the mood to put anything else. I looked in the mirror. Good enough. Then I got my phone and messaged '3azl: I'm leaving the house now.
Half an hour later we were both shopping in Massimo Dutti. We always shopped together because we were honest with each other. We were too close to be shy to say things like: nooo! It makes your butt look huge.. or ymatnich! Or laaa waiii3 ugly.. we had the same taste so we always trusted each others' opinion! By 2pm we were tired of shopping for clothes. We had bought enough. Not that you can ever buy ENOUGH clothes, but it was enough for now. So, we decided to eat lunch in Johny Rockets. I ordered my usual and so did '3azl. We always ordered certain dishes in specific restaurants. We weren’t really open to trying new things. While we ate, I told her about the phone call I had this morning with jara7. She told me not to make a big deal out of it.
'3azl: most guys act differently around their friends. Plus you know that he's crazy in love with you, so 6af
7ala: ee I know. bes madri, ye3ni he could have at least listened to what I was saying. Kilsh ma3abarni. I didn’t even message him to tell him I was going out with you. Bes kaifa. I'll just tell him inna he was too busy fa I just went ahead.
Jara7 and I had this thing where we told each other where we were going whenever we were going out. He especially always needs to know where I am and with who. It's not that he would ever tell me NOT to go to a certain place, he just liked knowing where I was most of the time. Actually, ALL the time. One time, I was going to the salon, to you know, do what we girls do, w magitla. Ye3ni I felt awkward telling him barw7 ilsalon! Bes tethayag mini! So now, jara7 daymn y3arf ana wain, even if bilsalon! But I didn’t mind at all. I knew it was him being protective. He was worse than ya3goub at that!
A while later, we were done with lunch. We decided to check the movies. We couldn’t find anything at the avenues. It was either inappropriate timing, or no seats. So we just booked the movie in marina. That’s how much we wanted to watch it. We've been waiting for it for so long. We left avenues and headed to marina.
The movie was great! '3azl and I really enjoyed it. Awal ma 6ala3na min iltheatre, I got a message from WHO. It said I had 7 missed calls. All from jara7!
7ala: alla yastr..
I called him back immediately. The phone rang only once and he instantly answered.
Jara7: intay wain?!!!
7ala: hehehe.. shfeek ana b marina, kint b avenues bes we couldn’t find a movie there.
Jara7: ba3aaaad! Avenues w marina! Matadreen innna ilyom za7ma! Lazm marina?! w sh7aga jehazch mu'3la8?! (his voice had gone 10 levels louder now!)
7ala: jara7? Shfeeek? Lesh t9ar5?!
Jara7: guleely sh7aga jihazch msakar!
7ala: mu min 9ijk! Ye3ni lesh msakar mathalan?! I was at the movies! Makw service! (now I was almost, almost, screaming back)
Jara7: w ana lesh ma adri inch bitrw7een avenues ba3dain ilcinema b marina?!
7ala: la walla?! Ana mu dagait 3alaik ilyom il9ib7?! W u were too busy to talk to me!
Jara7: lat'3ayreen ilmawthoo3! Ana ga3d as2lch sh7agda trw7een w matgwleenly?!
7ala: shinw la a'3ayer il mawthw3! This is the mawthw3! I couldn’t tell you cuz u just hung up on me!
Jara7: fe shay isma message! ( as soon as he said that, I realized what I had done. I did consider sending him a message but I decided not to. I didn’t WANT to. I unconsciously wanted to let him know inna ana tithayagt that he hung up on me, so I decided to ignore him back! I started this fight. Not intentionally. But I did.)
7ala: …
Jara7: shfeech sikatay?! Ye3ni tadreen inna you could have messaged me! chan garait ilmessage umuta ma fathait w darait intay wain! But no, you decided not to message and let me know where you were going? Lesh? Shinw kan 8a9dch b hal 7araka?
7ala: nothing! Shfeek?! Ye3ni I'm sorry I didn’t message 5ala9! stop making a big deal out of it!
Jara7: I'm not the one who's MAKING a big deal out of it! you're the one who MADE a big deal out of the phone call this morning!
7ala: jara7!
Jara7: la 7ala 5aleene akamel! Intay tadreen inni ma7eb illi ykabrwn ay salfa 9'3eera. Bes ana t3awadt 3alaich innich wayed you overreact. Bes 3ad mu chithi! Kint ma3a rab3i w magedart akalmch! Shfeeha? Ma kan la da3i inch tsaween chithi bes 3alshan t'thaygeeny mithl ma thayagtch! Intay t3amadtay, w ana ma kint mit3amd. Tara ana ma7eb drama w intay t3arfeen hal shay! I can't always give you all my attention! Ye3ni kafi inna all our dates HAVE to be thought out days earlier just so that you like them! Don’t be too needy all the time. Tara ana ta3abt!
7ala: I can't believe you just said that. bye jara7..
Jara7: 7ala! latsakrena b wayhi sam3a! 5alene akamel kalami w atfaham ma3ach.
7ala: I cant talk to you when you're in this mood. Madri shfeek . and you're scaring me! laman tihda rid dig 3alay! bye!
I closed the phone. I couldn’t believe we were fighting about a stupid phone call! Ok, I do get where he's coming from. I did try to get back at him, for talking to me that way in the morning, by not telling him about my plans. Bes still! I didn’t mean for it to turn into this huge fight! Why was he screaming at me like that!
He called again, I ignored.
And what did he mean by me being too needy?! W ina ohwa ta3ab! Shinw ye3ni ta3ab?! I never ASKED him for romantic dates. I did love them, but I never said they all had to be like that. I loved hanging out with him where ever we were. Ma3nata he didn’t enjoy planning them. He didn’t WANT to plan them. He thought he HAD to.
He didn’t mean them from his heart. He was just trying to impress me cuz he thought that's what I wanted. Cuz he thought I was demanding and needy.
He called again. And I ignored, again.
'3azl: what just happened?!
7ala: I don’t feel like talking about it '3azl. I'm going home. Adg 3alaich ba3dain.
On my way home I couldn’t stop crying and he wouldn’t stop calling. I kept ignoring. Laman wi9alt ilbait, I ran up to my room, and threw myself into my bed. I kept rewinding the fight. I kept hearing him scream at me over and over again. For once, I hated the way his voice sounded. So aggressive. So scary.
He kept calling. He had reached almost 21 missed calls by now, until he gave up. I decided to call ya3goub. Laman I called him 6ila3li inna he had another call. I was about to close the phone when he answered.
Ya3goub: hala 7ala.. shfech matredeen 3ala jara7! He's on the other line now. And hes going crazy! (I should have known he would call ya3goub!)
7ala: ok please don’t tell him inna you're talking to me now.. call me when you're done with him.
Ya3goub: I already mentioned ina you're calling on the other line.
7ala: great. 5ala9 ok. I'll just talk to you later.
I closed the phone before he could say anything. I knew he would try to convince me to call jara7. But I wasn’t going to. At least not for a while. I was really hurt. I couldn’t believe he would just scream at me like that. And the things he said! omG the things he said. It makes me think of him so differently. My phone rang. It was a message from jara7:
7ala. willi salmch riday 3alay. Ana asef inna 9ara5t 3alaich chithi. Bes 5alena nitfaham. Please dont make this worse than it already is!
Great now he's making it sound like it 's my fault. I replied:
Jara7 plz. Give me some time. The things you said really hurt me. I'll call you when I'm ready
I decided to call ya3goub again. He didn’t have another call this time. Ashwa
Ya3goub: 7ala riday 3alaih
7ala: mara7 ard! Int matadree ohwa shgali! Inna I'm needy w madri shinw. La w galli inna ta3ab from planning dates and that I'm demanding!
Ya3goub: ta3ab? (he chuckled quietly, but loud enough for me to hear)
7ala: lesh tith7ak?!
Ya3goub: la mafeeny shay. 5ala9 3ayal dam ina ta3ab latredeen 3alaih for a while, 5alee yirta7. Ta3ab ha? (he chuckled again, this time the kind of laugh when you mean you're angry)
7ala: ya3goub shfeeek! This is not funny
Ya3goub: no no, its not. That's not why I'm laughing. bes tithakart shay. Ilmohmim, mithl magitlch, ray7ee for a while
7ala: hatha illi basawee! Walla I can't believe it. He really hurt me! And my birthday is coming up this week! Alllaaa! What a nice way to celebrate it! Fighting with jara7.
Ya3goub: ok 7ala haday shwey! This won't ruin your birthday. You two will be fine by then. Don’t worry!
7ala: inshalla we will. But ya3goub, it's going to be awkward from now on. It won't be the same. Ye3ni mathalan if he plans something nice for my birthday, I will think whether or not he meant it? You know?! Waaaaay! Iff bes 5ala9 5ala9 whetever. I just want to be done with today! For once I'm looking forward to dawam bacher!
Like I said, hell on earth. I just wanted to fall asleep fast! I wanted it to be tomorrow. Maybe by then it will all be alright.
I had a horrible nightmare that night. Jara7 had planned a romantic dinner for me at his house. He had filled the floor with rose petals. Every inch. But then the rose petals were growing in number. I was drowning in them. I couldn’t breathe!
Faj2a I woke up. I was up before my alarm in half an hour. Even though I was awake, the nightmare continued today!