Chapter 13: on top of the world

He looked at me and smiled a cheeky smile. That was a new one to me. I hadn't seen this look before. It was cute. Like he was up to something. He put his hands in his pocket and took out his pack of Davidoff lights. He took out one cigarette and put it in his mouth.
Jara7: ok.. lets see if this gift works.
I was disappointed. By giving him this gift, I had let down my guards and let myself be vulnerable. I was indirectly telling him that I loved him, and asking him if he loved me back. Was he trying to tell me "no?" I put my head down and just stared at my clown yellow feet. I heard him light the cigarette.
Jara7: It does work. Mashkwra 7ala 3al hadeya.
I heard him inhale, then exhale. I could smell the smoke. My chest felt tight. Not because of the smoke, but because I was hurt. What was he trying to say? Is it "no I won't quit cuz I don’t love you"?! I could feel my eyes fill with tears. But I wasn’t going to let myself cry in front of him! I tried to hold the tears back. Really tried!
Jara7: you know. They say that smoking takes years off of your life…I don’t like the sound of that, because I was planning on spending the rest of my life with you!
I saw the cigarette fall to the sand next to my feet. Then I saw his feet squishing the cigarette to put it out.
Jara7: I don’t want YEARS taken from our life together.
I couldn’t hold my tears any longer. This time happy tears. I just couldn’t! I let out a loud sob and just threw my arms around him! I was crying so much, I couldn’t keep still, and I had gotten his shirt wet with all the tears and my runny nose. He rubbed my back trying to calm me down.
Jara7: 7ala shfeeech?!
It took me a while to gather my breath and talk.
7ala: why did you do that earlier! You scared me to death! I thought that was your way of saying you DON’T love me! I thought…
Jara7: 7ala, 7ala. I love you. I always will. Please just stop crying! I was trying to be funny.. you know me, a7ib ilaction! I just needed one last cigarette!
7ala: ana dayman agwlk you're not funny! Lesh matyooz! (my voice was so weird now, cuz my nose was blocked!)
Jara7: inzain 5ala9 ana asef. No more jokes. Bes intay please stop crying! That’s not what I imagined our time of saying "I love you" would be like.
7ala: I'm sorry. I know I look hideous! And I ruined your shirt…(even though I was serious, he let out a loud laugh)
Jara7: you don’t look hideous! You look perfect. And I don’t care about the shirt. 7ala.. I care about you. I love you.
7ala: I do too..
That was the night we exchanged our "I love you"s. And like jara7 said, it wasn’t what we had imagined it would be like, but at least it's a night we would never forget. So memorable.
( a few months later)
My relationship with Jara7 was going great. We have been together for almost 6 months now. He's the first boyfriend I ever had. The first serious relationship I ever had. My first love.
We continued going on romantic dates. I love the fact that they were all romantic and thoughtful. We went to shweikh beach a few more times. It was really nice to go back to the place of our first date and see how our relationship has grown each time. Sometimes he would just come over to my college and we would hang out. Sometimes we would study together in our library. We had gotten quite close and inseparable. Not a day passed without us talking, and we tried to see each other as much as we could. We never let more than 2 days pass without seeing each other. Even if it just meant him passing by the koleya to say hi. But with Jara7, it was never that simple. Even just coming to say hi was never JUST that. He would come with a rose, or heart shaped chocolates, anything. Ilmohim, inna it was never boring. Always romantic and thought out.
A few days ago we celebrated our 6 months anniversary. Half a year! I couldn’t believe how fast time had passed. It was amazing. Something I would never forget even if I wanted to. It was soo obvious that it took days and days of planning to get it perfect. And as usual, he always "had his ways" to make it work.
This time he gave me a hint of what I should wear. He asked me to dress up and look "elegant" was his word. I decide on wide high waste black trousers, a ruffled white shirt, black shaila, Red Marni pumps with gold hardware, and a gold Prada clutch. He asked me to meet him in the lobby of Marina Hotel. A porter came up to me and asked: "Madame, you are with Mr, Jara7?" I said yes and followed him into the elevator. The elevator finally opened and there was a staircase infront of me. Now we were taking the stairs, I'm guessing to the ceiling. Jara7 had arranged with the hotel to set us a table on the rooftop. The floor around our table was filled with rose petals and candles ofcorse. And there was a violin player standing by the table, playing slow lovely music. It all looked so perfect, except for one thing. Jara7. Where was he? I looked around but I couldn’t find him. Faj2a he came up from behind me. Madri min wain 6ala3! I didn't even hear him. He looked amazing. I had never seen him in a dishdasha and ghitra before. He looked great in it. So manly.
Jara7: you look amazing
7ala: you do too (I smiled)
He lead me to the table, and held the chair out for me. I sat and waited for him to sit infront of me. I loved the idea. This way we were out in public for the first time, but not really in public. Nobody saw us, it was just me and him on top of the world. And ofcorse, the waiter that occasionally passed by to check on us. The food was great, our talks were amazing, it was just so romantic. I actually teared. Jara7 got worried thinking that he had done something wrong.
Jara7: shfeech? thayagtch b shay?
7ala: laa.. its all perfect. You know, happy tears
Jara7: 7ala! lat5ar3ini chithi.. you're sad you cry.. you’re happy you cry..lesh chithi? just smile and tell me you love me..
7ala: I love you.
The truth was that he had not done anything wrong. Nothing at all. That was what was scaring me. It was all too good to be true. The night ended, and he followed me to our house with his car to make sure I arrived safely. Dashait ilbait, changed into my pyjamas and tucked myself in bed. I got my phone and messaged Jara7: thanks 7abeeby.. I don’t know what I ever did with my life to deserve you.
A minute later he called me..
7ala: hii
Jara7: what did you say..?!
7ala: I said I don’t know what I did to deserve you. Shfeek.. ( I knew exactly what he was talking about.. he meant the word before that. I hadn’t used it before)
Jara7: laaa.. ilkilma illi gabilha.. shinw giltaaay..
7ala: gilt thanx! (I can't say it.. shfeeni?!)
Jara7: laa tistahbilaaain 7ala…. abi asma3ha minch.. ma yinfa3 message..
7ala: 7abeby…
Jara7: ee.. this word..aallllllaaa… ya 7ilw hal kilma minch!! 5ala9, from now on.. ana mu Jara7.. and 7abeby… 7abeebch ye3niii (he teased)
7ala: hehehe ee inshalla
Jara7: inshalla 7abeeby!
7ala: inshalla 7abeeby.. (it felt so right saying it to him, li2anna ohwa 9ij 7abeeby!)
Jara7: okkk.. 7abibti.. yalla ti9be7een 3ala 5air..nom il3awafi inshalla
7ala: w inta min ahla.. byee
That night he called me 7abibti as well.. It sounded so sweet coming from him.. I never got why people said it’s a big deal to use these words. But now I do. It changes everything. It meant he's mine.. and I'm his..we belong to each other.
Like I said, it was all going greatly. Can it possibly get any better? I really can’t imagine myself happier than I am now. I can't. If there was such a thing as perfection, then my relationship with jara7 is perfect. We understand each other. We enjoy each other's company, even if we’re just sitting quietly and studying together. He is so thoughtful and really understands me. He makes me feel so happy, and warm and special. He knows how to show me that he loves me.
I love him.
But, as they say, all good things must come to end, because today, we had our first fight.