Chapter 15: Headlines

I got dressed to go to the koleya. I was soooo not in the mood. I just wanted the day to end. I wanted the fight to end. But I wasn’t going to call jara7 just yet. What was I going t tell him? I needed time to think.
I was early to the lecture and '3azl wasn’t here yet. So, I decided to chat with ya3goub for a while. I saw him talking on the phone when I came in earlier, so I went back to him. Maybe he's done by now. As I approached him, I noticed that he was still talking on the phone. He was talking loudly. Not shouting, but not talking either. He sounded upset. I guess everybody is having one of those days today! I heard him say jara7's name! Was he talking to him or about him? I went closer to listen but made sure he didn’t see me.
Ya3goub: jara7! Inta tadri inni ma artha 3alaiha?! Sh7aga tgwlaha hal kalam.
…………....(jara7 was saying something over the phone) int tadree ay kalam! Inha mta3bitik! Mat3abitik ha?! Latinsa inna ana illi sa3adtk b kilshay! Inta a9lan masawait shay!................ la masawait shay!
(Shiwn ye3ni masawa shey?! I was so confused now)
ya3goub: ana kint asa3dk 3alshanha ihya! Abeeha ehya tkwn mistansa! Walla lo adri ink ra7 itsawe feha chithi chan masa3adtk! Lesh tijra7ha chithi……………..…… ok ana fahamt hal ni86a, ink kint ma3a rab3k, bes lesh tgwlha ink ta3abt minha?! W inta mu ga3ed tsawee shay asasan………………..ana 8a9di inna ma kan la da3i itgwlaha chithi! W bima inni ana a3aref il9ij, inik int mata3abt walla shay, fa b9ara7a achoof inna illi gitlaha iya kan mala da3i kilsh, thayagt'ha ya a5i! walla ilbnaya 9adegat inha mta3betk ma3aha, w inha "needy" 3ala golat'ha……………..…..ee akeed lazm tit2asaf!...................walla 3ad madri shlon! La awal marra b 3ala8tk ma3aha, 7awel ink tfakr b shay! Ye3ni 9arlk ma3aha 6 ash'hur , w laman al7een mint 3arf shlon tratheeha?!............................jara7 madri! Fakr!................... ma3ak 7ag. W 3alshan chithi ra7 asa3dk hal marra ba3ad, 3alashanha ihya. Bes 3alshanha! A5er marra jara7!...................... la tashkirni!
(I hope I'm understanding this the wrong way! I hope that I got it all wrong, because if it is what I'm thinking, then I don’t think I can forgive jara7)
Ya3goub: tigdar tsawelaha shay 7ag 3eed meeldha, latgwli ba3ad ink nasee?!........................la? zain il7emdila ink mit'thkr!............................ee hal yim3a! 9a7…………………….. madri afakr b shay w agwlk…………….…………… la magdr a36eek ilhadeya illi ana shareeha laha………………………….. li2ani already 3a6aitk iyaha!!....................... eee ilkitab illi 3a6aitk iya gabl, kan ilmafrwth ikwn hadeyat 3eed meladha minni!............................shinw ay kitab! Mu min 9ijk! Il "cholera" ! walla ink matistahalha!!.....................................ana nafsk madri shayeeblaha! Ye3ni al7een lazm afkr b shay mink w minni! ……………………… 5ala9 inshalla! yalla jara7 bye! ……… bye!!
O my God….. it never was jara7. It was all ya3goub planning everything all along. All the dates, all the gifts. Was he even telling him what to say?! I can't believe this.. not only am I hurt that none of it was from jara7, I'm now even more hurt that he was trying to use it against me! ta3abta?!! Ana ta3abtaa ohwa?! If anything, ana kint mta3ba ya3goub! Not HIM! I ran to my car before ya3goub could see me. I cried all the way home. When I arrived home, I messaged '3azl: I'm not feeling well ilyom. Mara7 a7thr lectures.
She called me but I didn’t answer. There is no way I can talk to anyone right now. Lucky for me that I didn’t sleep well last night, since I was thinking about the FIGHT, now I was able to just fall asleep on my bed, with my clothes and shoes on. I was too sad and weak to change or do anything. I slept and slept. When it was lunch time, my mom came into my room to tell me to come downstairs and eat. She was surprised to see me in that condition. I was able to convince her that I came home early because I was having a bad migraine and that I didn’t want to eat. As soon as she left me, I changed into my PJ's and buried myself under the covers. I continued crying till I fell asleep, again.
A while later, I have no idea how long I have been sleeping, I woke up to the sound of my phone ringing. It was ya3goub. I really wasn’t in the mood to answer, but I did.
Ya3goub: ha 7ala? wainch ilyom? Lesh ma dawamtay?
7ala: ta3bana, mali5ilg.
Ya3goub: ee mabayen min 9otch. Salamaat, matchoofeen shar (if only he knew my voice sounded like that because of all the crying, not because I was sick)
7ala:…………..allla ysall..(I started crying)
Ya3goub: shfeeeech?!
7ala: ma feeni shay….
Ya3goub: 7ala?! 5al9ini shfeech?!
7ala: ….jara7..ana adrii inna…(he didn’t let me continue)
Ya3goub: oofffff.. lail7eench! 5ala9, besch bachi! Ilsalfa matiswa. You both didn’t mean it! w ana adri inch 3aneeda w rasch yabes w mara7 tit2asefain gabla. Bes inshalla uhwa biratheech. Stop worrying about it. And stop crying!!
7ala: inshalla (if only he knew that I knew)
Ya3goub: yalla gumay '3aslay wayhch, 9alay w ta3alay ilkoleya. We'll study together.
7ala: inshalla.. see you.
I looked at the time, it was almost 4. I've been forcing myself to sleep since 9am this morning! I felt disgusting! I went to take a shower. Laman 6ala3t, dagait 3ala '3azl to tell her inni bared ilkoleya to study soon.
An hour later I was in the library studying with '3azl and ya3goub. I wasn’t really studying. I couldn’t. But I didn’t want to make a scene, so every few minutes I would just flip the page of the book that I was supposed to by "studying" from. I don’t think '3azl and ya3goub fell for it, but they still kept quiet. A while later, I got a message from jara7:
7ala. Ana asef. Sam7ini 3al kalamn illi gitlch iya. Walla ma kan 8a9di. Let me make it up for you. 6il3ili barra to the parking lot.
I looked up to see ya3goub smiling at me. He knew it was jara7. And I bet he knew exactly what he was up to.
7ala: come with me. Both of you. Mabi a6la3la brw7i
We left the library, and headed for the parking lot. I could see his car parked next to mine. He was waiting next to his car, so we walked towards him.
Jara7: 7ala.. don’t say anything… let me talk, just listen
I wasn’t going to talk anyways. I couldn’t even look at him. None of them knew the real reason why I was mad, so I bet they were all thinking that I was OVERoverreacting.
Jara7: 7ala ana asef. I didn’t mean the things I said. You have no idea how much I enjoy spending time with you. I won't lie and say inna I don’t find it difficult to please you, because I do. I find it really difficult. Well actually, I FOUND it difficult. But now I understand that it doesn’t have to be this way. That's not who you are. You don’t need all that. You just want to be simply loved by me. From now on I'm going to keep it simple. I have a gift for you. And this one I DID enjoy planning. I hope you like it. Bes mostly I hope you forgive me. (I can't believe he's still playing along that HE planned the other gifts)
He got something from his car. It was a book. ANOTHER book?! Hhhmmm..that didn’t impress me.
Jara7: here's a book. You can add it to your collection.
He handed it to me. I looked at the cover, it was a photo of his car. I gave him a puzzled look.
Jara7: it's a limited edition. Only one copy exists. I made it.
I read the title, the book was called: "when a Cayenne meets an LR3". I smiled, even though I didn’t want to. I opened the book at a random page. And read it out loud:
"November 11th. Our first date. (also my birthday) she's my gift from God. I took her to the beach. She wouldn't stop staring at the beautiful view. I couldn’t stop staring at her. It was just one infinite moment of love, with no beginning and no end"
I closed the book, as a felt my eyes tear up. I took a deep breath as a strategy to hold back the tears. I failed. I wiped a tear and looked at '3azl, who was smiling at me. I couldn’t get myself to smile back.
I looked at ya3goub, then at jara7, then back at ya3goub.
7ala: ya3goub. Bas2ilk su2al, w abeek tjawibni bkil 9ara7a. li2ank itha chathabt 3alay mara7 asm7ik int ba3ad.
Ya3goub: 7ala… shfeech? you don’t like the gift?
7ala: I do.. I love it, that’s the problem. I love the gift. And I thought I loved the man who was giving me these gifts. But then again, I thought that the man giving me these gifts was jara7!!… ya3goub, is this from him? Or you? Who thought of it?! who's is it really from? Who's heart are these words coming from? Minw?!
He didn’t reply. I looked at jara7. He was looking at the floor.
7ala: I guess that answers my question
I threw the book at jara7.
7ala: thank you! I love it! (I said sarcastically)
I got in my car and drove home. And again, just like déjà vu, I was back in my bed under the covers, just crying. I was so mad. This time not only at jara7 but ya3goub too. Because he was lying at me too. He had let me fall in love with the wrong guy. He was misleading me just as much as jara7 was. I hated jara7 now. I WISH I NEVER SEE HIM AGAIN IN MY LIFE!. After that thought, I had cried myself to sleep.
The next morning, I woke up and I could actually feel how puffy my eyes were because I couldn’t open them completely. I really didn’t want to get out of bed. I didn’t want to face reality. I didn’t want to face the fact that people lied and stole hearts then broke them. I messaged '3azl: "'3azl, I'm heartbroken.. I can't get out of bed" she replied immediately: 7ala! if you're heart was broken you would be dead! So shut up and get out of bed! Get yourself together. Yalla, we will go through this together"
I got up because I knew that if I didn’t she would come over to my house and make a scene. So I got up and went through my morning routine, as an act to feel like this is a normal day.
I washed up, got dressed, and flipped through the newspaper while I drank my morning coffee. I didn’t find any articles about my dad. But, I did find something. Something I wish I didn’t find. Something that made me wish I had just stayed in bed.
I read the headline again, just to make sure that my eyes weren't messed up from all the crying. I kept reading it again and again but the words were the same. I had read it correctly the first time. I was getting dizzy, and the words and letters wouldn’t stop dancing around the paper. I read it one last time: 7adth raheeb yo2adi ila ma8tal shab… and under the headline, next to the article describing this "7adeth raheeb" , was a photo of a car that was so messed up to was almost the a piece of metal junk. But not too messed up, I could tell what car it was. The Golden Cayenne.
I guess that's why they always say, be careful what you wish for cuz you just might get it!